Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
