So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
