I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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