It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
