Where did you get a picture of my penis
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
