She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
