and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
