haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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