Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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