I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
