He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
