oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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