what day is it and did you see me today?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
