i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
