I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
