it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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