What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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