I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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