don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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