R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
