i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
