you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
