I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
