I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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