in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
