I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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