My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
