dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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