cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
