dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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