My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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