He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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