The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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