hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
