i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
