I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
