sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
