Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
