I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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