I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
