That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
