You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
