i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
