I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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