i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
