i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
sex in a hospital.. check
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
