I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
