I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
