My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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