I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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