You're so nebulous sometimes
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
