im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
