ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
