you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
