got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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