3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
