Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
