I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize