Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
