You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
