i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
