What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
