I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
