i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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