dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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