Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
