the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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