I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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