We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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